Look at the top of this page, you guys. Everything you need to know about me is summed up in those three statements:
- I’m a gamer
- I’m a geek
- I’m a girl who doesn’t get out much
The fact is, my life is just not that interesting. On top of that, I’m an introvert and I don’t like (most) people–you guys are cool, though. So when I saw that this week’s League assignment was to star in our own reality TV show, by far the most daunting League assignment to date for me, I did what I always do when I want to ignore something: go play video games.
But while I was buried in ICO this weekend, it occurred to me that video games could be the one aspect of my life that has reality TV show potential.
The Elevator Pitch
Why the Honey Boo Boo reference? For ratings.
She’d randomly appear once per episode and say retarded things like this:
I want to give you a photographic glimpse into my gaming life, so you know where I’m coming from.
Thankfully, I look nothing like anyone from the Honey Boo Boo show:
At least I hope I don’t. You’d tell me if I did, right?
Anyway, moving on…
So this is my living room, the place where I do most of my gaming. (Look, I even tidied up for you guys.) Directly across from the TV, is my spot, which I guard more fiercely than Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. That’s a 60″ 3D HDTV. My philosophy on TVs is that they can never be big enough. I would own the 85″ version of this TV if I had the room for it. Playing games on this thing is glorious.
From casual glances around my home, you’d never know I was a gamer. I live in a townhouse, so I don’t have much room to display my collection and most of my storage is hidden. Start opening my cabinets, however, and you’ll find all kinds of video game stuff stashed away.
Like my Xbox 360…
..and my Wii. Not to mention a whole crapload of Wii add-ons like Motion Plus, wheels, nunchucks, and classic controllers.
And then there’s all my retro gaming consoles, which are stored in pull-out plastic crates up in my office/rec room. I would love to have all of these hooked up simultaneously, but it’s just not realistic to do that yet. If I have a desire to play an old game, I’ll just hook up the system I want to play it on and return it to the crate when I’m done.
I’m lazy about this, though, so often I’ll have at least one old console laying around that I haven’t gotten around to putting away yet.
Also in the bowels of my collection you’ll find almost every iteration of the Game Boy since the original. I don’t know why I hold on to these things; I guess I just have a hard time letting go; my game systems are like my children. I still play my Nintendo DS regularly, which I don’t see changing anytime soon unless I break down and get a 3DS.
My other gaming handhelds are a PSP (which I rarely use and only keep around for certain games) and my new iPad which is loaded up with all kinds of retro gaming goodness.
The major problem with having all this gaming stuff is having to store it. I have at least two controllers for every system…
…but then there’s stuff like this which is much bigger and bulkier:
Ever tried to hide a Rock Band drum set? It’s not easy.
Then there’s the issue of storing the games themselves. Right now, most of my old games–LOTS and LOTS of games!–are in boxes.
About the Show
A video game show combining Hoarders, Intervention, and Extreme Makeover Home Edition might seem pretty odd at first, but hear me out.
Anyone who has too many video games, either because you’re an avid collector, or you just feel compelled to buy them, will be able to relate to the Hoarders aspect of the show. As I go from room to room showing viewers my game stash, a professional psychiatrist will probe me with difficult questions like, “Why do you keep buying games that you’ll never completely finish?” and “Why are there new games on your shelf but no groceries in the fridge?” I face these struggles on a daily basis.
The Intervention part happens afterward, when I’m confronted by friends and family I’ve been ignoring for weeks because I’ve deemed Skyrim more important. “We haven’t seen you for weeks!” they’ll say. “How do we know you’re not dead?” And at that point I would cry, humbled by their outpouring of concern, and then direct them to my Twitter feed.
To lighten things back up, we move into the Extreme Makeover Home Edition part of the show. As I mentioned above, storage for all of my gaming stuff is becoming a real problem, and keeping my games stashed away in boxes means I’m not getting as much enjoyment out of them as I should be. I want to have a place where I can easily access my entire collection and proudly display it all. The good news is that I have a basement! The bad news is that it’s unfinished. However, if it was all fixed up, it would be the perfect game lair. Trust me, I have big plans for it. And so the latter part of my reality show would be devoted to transforming my basement into the ultimate video game and media room. When my friends and family eventually see how awesome it is, they’ll all be jealous and start being super nice to me so that I’ll invite them over more.
So there you have it–a three-part reality show in which I’m shamed, humbled, and ultimately redeemed by the excess of video games in my life. If you don’t like it, hey, that’s cool. I’m sure it’ll be cancelled after one episode anyway.
Reality TV Shows Starring The League of Extraordinary Bloggers
Wondering what this is all about? This week television executives have determined that I, and my fellow League members, lead amazing lives and have pegged us as the next big reality TV stars. Here’re the reality shows I’d watch:
- Cold Slither Podcast loves video games too!
- Cool and Collected wants to know what’s in the box.
- Monster Cafe Saltillo actually does lead an amazing life. How ’bout that?
- Of Flying Monkeys and Ewoks, Oh My! is crazy and disturbing. I like that.
- That Figures gets all MST3K with Netflix.
- Random Nerdness is a secret agent. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.
- Team Hellions wants a show about running a comic book shop with his soon-to-be-wife.