I usually skip past Target’s dollar section (that little crap-filled area close to the front door, strategically located so that you’re required to walk past it), having learned to ignore the siren call that is messy aisles of picked-through bins overflowing with cheap sweat shop goods from China. But this past weekend, whaddya know, I was actually shopping for cheap crap! But cheap crap sounds so much nicer when you call it “stocking stuffers,” doesn’t it?

Anyway, I ended up finding some pretty cool little chotchkies that may or may not have been been made by child laborers (but probably). A stronger, more socially aware person would have marched past such foolishness, off to buy USDA Certified Organic Green laundry detergent or whatever the hell it is those types of people buy. But this is me we’re talking about. I live for cheap crap. So I afforded myself the excuse of needing to fill stockings with it, and took a closer look. Usually I’m pretty disappointed in this section (or “The Dollar Spot,” I think it’s called) but not this time. I found tons of great little gifts. The only problem is that most of them are for me.

Okay, some of them are actually destined to go in someone’s stocking, like this first item here (don’t worry, the person who this is for never reads my blog. I know, he is less cool because of it.):

‘A Christmas Story’ Stationery

A Christmas Story Staionery

It certainly is glorious! Target had a bunch of these A Christmas Story themed stationery items in various designs. I chose this particular notepad because The Old Man is my favorite character, as well as the person’s who this is for. (Wait, did I say that right? It’s very late. My grammar goes to hell after 2:00 a.m.) KNOT A FINGER!

Scribble Stuff Sushi Erasers

Scribble Stuff Sushi Erasers

This falls firmly in the Shit I Don’t Need category, but LOOK HOW CUTE!! I mean I suppose I could always erase something with these, but that would only destroy them in the process and thus erase my affection for these inedible but delectable-looking pieces of rubber sushi. But it’s that miniature bottle of soy sauce that really sold me on these. I like the level of consideration that went into this presentation–like, someone actually knew I would demand fake soy sauce for my fake sushi. Bless them.

Pac-Man Band-Aids Adhesive Banadages

Pac-Man Adhesive Bandages

I swear, I will never get used to calling non-Band-Aid brand adhesive bandages “adhesive bandages.” I have a house rule that my medicine cabinet only be stocked with cool Band-Aids, and I can’t think of any that are much cooler than these…until Nickelodeon gets on the ball and puts out some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ones. I had to buy two packages, though, because they stiff you pretty bad on the quantity. Only 10 bandages? Really? At least they have three different awesome designs:

Pac-Man Band-Aids

Makes me want to cut myself just to have an excuse to wear one.

Toadstool Planner

Toadstool Planner

As tech-geeky as I am, in certain aspects of my life I’m incurably old school. For instance, I always keep a small combination planner/address book like this in my bag, as well as a Moleskine journal for jotting down spur-of-the-moment thoughts, ideas, dates and other things I want to remember. For some reason I retain things better when I actually go through the process of writing them down versus letting technology do all the work for me. I have an affinity for anything with mushrooms/toadstools on it (particularly of the 8-bit variety), and I hadn’t bought a 2013 planner yet. This spoke to me.

Space Invaders…whatever these are.

Space Invaders Drink Markers

The package says these are “drink markers,” but they’re basically small, clingy pieces of Space Invaders-shaped silicone. I guess you’re supposed to stick them on your can of Natty Boh Ice, or whatever you damn hipster kids are drinking these days. But you could stick them on anything, really. Even skin. Think about those possibilities for a moment, and all the fun wordplay potential (INVADE HER!). I’d like to try to come up with a cool use for these–maybe laptop case decorations or something. Any suggestions?