In geeky movie news this month that makes me feel like a fifth-grader again, TMNT co-creater Peter Laird confirmed in Variety rumors of another live-action Turtles movie planned for 2011. The announcement comes on the heels of TMNT’s 25th anniversary celebration. Other than making me feel old, I’m also damn excited. Because in Hollywood, everything I loved growing up in the 1980s is suddenly cool again. The new Turtles film will be produced by Scott Mednick of Legendary Pictures, who is currently producing the soon to be released Where The Wild Things Are, another live-action fantasy film (which happens to be based on yet another completely awesome thing from my childhood). And if these screenshots are any indication of what’s in store for the next TMNT, then color me green with excitement.
After the original live-action movie, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films went from bad to worse, though 2007’s animated TMNT was OK. Then again, I’m of the opinion that the first Turtles movie is one of the greatest if underrated comic book movies of all time—but I may be a little biased. I was obsessed with all things Ninja Turtles as a kid. Like really obsessed. If it had a TMNT logo on it, I owned it. I could quote the movies word for word (probably still can).
My wishlist for the new live-action Turtles movie:
- Darker, grittier, edgier Turtles truer to the original Mirage comic books.
- Curse words. Most TMNT fans have grown up, and so should the movies.
- Sex (if only to satisfy my morbid curiosity).
- Realstic CGI that doesn’t look like CGI.
- Back to basics origins/roots storyline. (Think Batman Begins.)
- April O’Neil, and anyone other than Paige Turco to play her.
- Blood, weapons, and graphic violence.
- Moar Raphael.*
Things I could live without:
- Shell-tastic turtle puns.
- Any character who exists solely in the Archie comics series.
- No Venus.
- Random kid-who-meets-the-Turtles character (a’la Keno in Turltes II, and later Yoshi in Turtles III).
- Any storyline involving time travel.
- A Turtles-themed rap song.
- A PG rating.
The sucky part about all this? Waiting two years.
*Raphael is still the coolest turtle, and if you don’t agree with me, I’m not sharing my Ninja Turtles fruit snacks with you.