In last month’s poll, I asked you guys who should be kicked out of Full House. Personally, I threw in a vote for Joey, because what does Joey even do? Sure, he’s supposedly there to help raise the girls and be the comic relief, but what does he really contribute besides wearing the most god-awful shirts you’ve ever seen and making shitty jokes? Even Kimmy Gibbler does that job better.
My idea of hell is sitting through a two-hour long Joey Gladstone comedy special co-starring Mr. Woodchuck. “Say, I don’t hear anyone laughing! Are you people made of…” *looks around* “…WOOD!?” It’s not that I dislike Joey as a person, I just think it’d be better for everyone involved if he moved out. At least then the poor guy might have a chance at getting laid.
But if there is one character–ok, two characters, but not by much of a stretch–that deserve to get the boot from Full House more than Joey Gladstone, it is Nicky and Alex. If you don’t remember them, they’re the cute but talentless shaggy-haired twins who were foist upon us from Becky’s gaping womb in Season 5, carrying on the grand tradition of adding babies to TV shows because everyone loves babies, right?
I offered them up as a package deal, which 47% of you jumped on:
Sorry little guys, but the two you were never as cute or interesting as one Michelle Tanner. We love our over-exploited twin child stars, but only when they’re playing the same person. Otherwise it’s confusing and things just get boring.
Pop quiz: which one is Nicky and which one is Alex?
Answer: Nobody fucking cares!
Also of note:
Your animosity was divided evenly between DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle, who each got 10% of the vote. DJ’s a resourceful girl, so I’d be the least worried about her living out on the streets. She did, after all, move into the garage that one time because she was upset about not having her own room–which brings me back to Joey and why he’s kind of a selfish prick for sticking around so long and taking up valuable bedroom space.
Not surprisingly, nobody voted to kick out Uncle Jesse and Becky, because HAVE MERCY!
I am, however, a little shocked that someone actually voted to kick out Danny. Really? Not only does he make shitpiles of money (or at least we have to assume so, given his Wake Up San Francisco gig almost single-handedly supports eight other people) but that motherfucker can cook AND he actually enjoys cleaning up after everyone. Plus, BOB SAGET. Respect.