Who’s responsible around here? Why wasn’t I told? The most important development of my cookie-consuming life since Cookie Crisp cereal and I didn’t know about it until six months later!? I could have been eating Cinnamon Roll Cookies THIS WHOLE TIME. Yes, I feel “Cinnamon Roll Cookies” deserves capitalization, to say the very least.

Keebler Cinnamon Roll Cookies I dropped by my parents house for dinner Sunday night (because free food is my favorite kind of food) when my mom whipped out a package of these little babies over coffee. THAT SMELL! Oh sweet icing-frosted elf buns, that smell! You can decide for yourself if I meant the cookies or actual Keebler elf ass, but my point is these things smell as delicious as they taste, which is goddamn amazing, in case you were wondering. It’s almost enough to break my habit of rolling through the Burger King drive-thru just for Cinna-Minis. You do that too, right?

Cinnamon Roll Cookies

These little swirls of heaven are pull-apart moist and taste exactly like a cinnamon roll is supposed to. It helps that they look like actual cinnamon rolls, too. I always appreciate snack foods that go the extra mile and try to look like the real thing. (Wuddup, Hot Fries?) It helps me forget I’m eating high fructose corn syrup and modified whey proteins. But if you want an even truer-to-life Cinnamon Roll Cookie experience (and who doesn’t?), Keebler provides this helpful tip:

Warming Instructions:

Place 2 cookies on a paper plate in the center of the microwave oven. Cover with a paper towel. Heat on high for maximum power for 6-9 seconds. Cool briefly before handling. If cookies are over heated, frosting can become extremely hot and could cause burns.

You know shit tastes good when it’s dangerous to eat. Also, DIABEETUS.

P.S. Where the hell are the rest of the Keebler elves? Why does Ernie always get all the glory?