In case you didn’t already know, May is Zombie Awareness Month. (If you weren’t aware, your chances of survival just significantly increased. You’re welcome!)
The Zombie Apocalypse is a significant threat to humanity; just ask those crazy Doomsday Preppers. Matt Mogk, the founder of Zombie Awareness Month and head of the Zombie Research Society (I only wish my job title were that badass) wants to increase your awareness. According to Mogk, sparsely populated states like Wyoming are your best bet for survival. But if you live in New Jersey you’re pretty much fucked.
How do I know the Zombie Apocalypse is real? Have you read the news lately? First there was that tornado-struck lady who was found alive in a body bag at the morgue even though she was missing half her face, and then there was that baby in Argentina who came back to life after being declared officially dead for 12 hours. I’m not saying they’re zombies or anything, but they’re totally zombies. It has to start somewhere. Recognize the signs.
Zombie Survival Tips
So, now that you know the Zombiepocalypse is an inevitable reality, what are you doing to prepare? If zombie films, TV shows and games from popular culture are to be believed, then your preparedness strategy should consist of:
- Planting sunflowers. (Plants vs. Zombies)
- Hiding out on a farm. (Night of the Living Dead)
- …and banging any hot farmer’s daughters who might be living there.
(The Walking Dead)
- Going to the mall. (Dawn of the Dead)
- Getting on a roller coaster. (Zombieland)
- Stocking up on Molotov cocktails. (Left 4 Dead)
- Finding a date for prom, stat. (Dance of the Dead)
- Stop speaking. (Pontypool)
- Trying not to get raped. (28 Days Later)
- Putting the fucking camera down already. ([Rec])
What’s your Zombiepacalypse survival strategy?