I’ll admit it: sometimes I sit around and dream up fantasy TV show concepts. When you consume as much television as I do, it takes a lot for a show to really grab you. ‘Course, it doesn’t help that I grow more cynical and jaded with each passing year, but I digress.

Now, I’m not a producer or anything, and I’ve never pitched a television show in my life, but I’m pretty sure that if any of the following show ideas were to suddenly exist tomorrow, it would be an instant success.

Here are five geeky TV show concepts that I wish were real:

“Pickers” for Gamers

Pickers for Gamers

You know the show American Pickers on the History channel? Well this would be pretty much the same thing except a pair of nerds–the less socially skilled and more awkward, the better–would go around to yard sales, liquidations, private collectors’ homes, maybe even Craigslist and Ebay in search of rare and valuable video games and gaming collectibles. You know, stuff like the Medieval Madness pinball table, Air Raid for Atari 2600, or the Virtual Boy (just kidding about that last one–nobody really wants one of those things).

On the real Pickers, the two hosts negotiate to the point of highway robbery. This show would be the opposite because gamers are sentimental fanboys who are known to put things like rare, ridonkulously expensive Neo Geo cartridges ahead of their financial future–which is part of the appeal too, so that we at home can all have a good laugh about it.

Working Titles:

  • Epic Looters
  • Shit Gamers Will Pay Obscene Amounts of Money For

Project Photoshop

Like Project Runaway for Photoshop

Think Project Runway, except replace the wannabe fashion designers for wannabe graphic designers. Actually, the contestants don’t even need to be skilled graphic designers at all–the show would be funnier with randomly selected netizens with amateur Photoshop skills. The contestants would face off against each other in extreme Photoshop challenges, timed of course, in categories such as Meme Generation, Fat Celebrity Makeovers, Motivational Posters, Fake Products, Movie Poster Mashups, and the other highly creative but ultimately useless art forms that Photoshop has become infamous for. It goes without saying that use of Comic Sans would result in an instant elimination.

In keeping with the spirit of the original show, the designers could still present their masterpieces on the runway–except it would be a virtual runway where home viewers would be able to participate in the eliminations via live social media-based voting. Holy shit this show sounds awesome.

Working Titles:

  • Photoshopping with the Tards
  • Clone Stamp for the Win

Hip Service

Lip Service for Hipsters

Remember that show Lip Service that used to be on MTV in the early ’90s? If you’re too young (or too old) to remember it, Lip Service was a game show where the contestants divided up into teams and had to lip sync their way through a grab bag of randomly selected popular songs of the day. The in-house DJ (who was Spinderella of Salt ‘N Pepa, by the way) would mix the music live. You could get Ice Ice Baby, Vogue and Unskinny Bop back to back, or it could be Come Baby Come, I Touch Myself, and Blame It on the Rain–it was anyone’s guess! The team that lip synced the most convincingly is the team that won.

Similarly, Hip Service would follow the same format except all the contestants would be hipsters and all the music would be from obscure bands that you’ve probably never heard of, like St. Agnes Charm School, Crotch Mittens and Zebrapants (and don’t bother Googling those bands because I just made them up). See, hipsters take their music very seriously and there is nothing funnier than some fucking hipster who doesn’t know the words to obscure, shitty music that only hipsters are supposed to like. Isn’t it deliciously ironic?

Working Titles:

  • Music Is Too Mainstream
  • I Was Into Lip Syncing Before It Was Cool

Win Mark Zuckerberg’s Money

Win Mark Zuckerberg's Money

You’re familiar with Win Ben Stein’s Money, right? Well, since Mark Zuckerberg has more money than God, I figure he could stand to give a little bit of it away. And just like Ben Stein, Mark would be a contestant on his own show in a sporting attempt to protect his assets and ward off competitors. Here’s the fun part, though: all questions will be related to Facebook’s murky privacy policies, sketchy terms of service, and barely-there technical support that even The Zuck himself doesn’t get. So pretty much everyone stands a good chance of winning.

Working Titles:

  • “Like” Mark Zuckerberg On Facebook to Win
  • Win The Winklevii’s Money

The Biggest Loser: Zombie Edition

The Biggest Loser - Zombie Edition

I don’t watch The Biggest Loser, mostly because it depresses the hell out of me, but I can tell you for a fact I’d watch the shit out of The Biggest Loser if the show was anything like the pic above. I got this idea after hearing about Run For Your Lives, a zombie-themed 5K event/obstacle course that is as every bit as bitchin’ as it sounds. Getting in shape is much more effective when your very life depends upon it, say, when you’re running from a horde of brain-lusting zombies. It doesn’t even matter that zombies aren’t real (…yet). I’m running the hell away from anything that looks like that. By the way, don’t forget it’s Zombie Awareness Month!

Working Title:

  • The Running Dead
  • The Biggest Meal

Just for fun…

If any of these show concepts had any shot in hell of becoming a reality, which one would you want to watch the most?

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